A Disturbing Decline in Catcall Quality

We used to have this:

You lie, in faith; for you are call’d plain Kate,
And bonny Kate and sometimes Kate the curst;
But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom
Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate,
For dainties are all Kates, and therefore, Kate,
Take this of me, Kate of my consolation;
Hearing thy mildness praised in every town,
Thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded,
Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs,
Myself am moved to woo thee for my wife.

And now we seem to have a dichotomy between this:


and this:

We need more words like “bonny.”

*No animals were harmed as I trudged through the archives of Heartiste’s Beta of the Month series, but I definitely feel like I need to go take a shower now.